One year ago.

Today, I am 21 and 2 months old. By many standards I am what you would call "one slick motherfucker", but I wasn't always like this. I have been one very insecure, indecisive, bleak guy and I am sure many people have gone through a phase like this. I was what you would call "a few years behind".

However, this phase went into effect exactly 353 days ago. The day started out like normal -- I had gone to drive my father to the hospital where he got himself cut in the stomach by knife weilding madmen we call "surgeons" under suspicion of having a hernia. He didn't have one, and he was hurting like hell in the hospital (not from the surgery, but from the fact that Taylor Swift was on TV... for 5 hours). Fun fact, I got one step closer to manliness when I decided to talk to an actual girl. I hit on one of the nurses with no intent except to shake my nerves and build charisma in social situations. But she was married with kids so bleh.

Even though my dad had his gut cut open, we went to a nice, greasy pizza place that evening. I may even do a review on it if we go again. It's a fairly expensive place but I saw a teen couple there. Spoiled-ass rich kids ;_;. The boy and girl could not have been any older than 15. But I only felt a little ronerier from seeing it. I had to do something. I wanted to be un-ronery.

Gaming was the only solution. That evening, when we got home, I was playing some Counter-Strike just like usual (and I even have that evening on Youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdcofGYcilc). Everything was fine except I was talking to a particular female I (until now) had no interest with except to play the vidya (because Tennessee is boring as shit) but she told me she had a date... Um. Shit. Fuck. It's not a psychological reaction to girls who have guys. I grew an immense crush, but being a loser like I was kind of made me overreact. I'm so foolish.

Anyway, after that was done, and after I cried that evening, I met another girl I played Aion with. Let's not go there, I made a fool of myself too. But I had filled my 5-year-old livejournal blog with rants and emotional writings. Let me quote myself:

I never felt this way before. But she wouldn't believe me if I told her.

But she obviously disregards me.

Stop hurting me, please. Please.

Pretty dorky right?

My life is normal now despite my phase. I am happy with what I have now and I am working on improving my future. I'm acquiring currency, as it were so eloquently put. And one year ago being a NERDLOL was a phase where I felt hopeless about myself. I am dragging this on too long.

Even though everything I said in this article is true and comes from the heart, I'd like to let you know there is a hidden message if you read the first letter of each paragraph. Thanks for reading.